I've Become a Selfish Bitch and You Should Too

My name is Rachel Cocoa and I'm a selfish bitch. Not a ruthless, not a heartless, but a selfish bitch and I honestly don't see the problem. 

When I say selfish I don't mean I'll see a kangaroo choke a stranger in an alley and won't help. What I mean is that I'm very stingy with my time and energy when it comes to situations that aren't detrimental to someone's health, safety, or overall being. Look, there are only 24 hours in a day. Between work, sleep, and daily business and personal tasks, I only have around 5 hours to myself. What makes people think those hours should be shared with them?

Don't get me wrong, I love being social but on my own terms. You cannot and will not force me to fight through physical and mental exhaustion to laugh at memes with you. I don't have to sacrifice time I can use to find a grad school program to help you respond to your new boo's text. I understand that being someone's friend means you need to be supportive and continue to communicate with them, but at some point you must say, "Not today girl!" and spend time on you and you only. If your friends and family don't understand, then they're the ones who are truly selfish and not in a good way. 

Some say I'm a bitch because of this logic. Well, if putting my peace and serenity first means I'm a bitch, oh well. When it all boils down, if no one is putting food in your mouth, money in your pocket, or a roof over your head, they can wait one day for you to spend time with them or do them a favor. That doesn't mean friends and family are only important when they can provide something. We all seek companionship and there's nothing wrong with that because without love life would be fudged up. However, when that relationship is continuously taking time away from your personal care (career, health, mental, etc.) it's ok to pull back. Please believe that half of those people wouldn't think twice to sacrifice you for their own benefit. 

When I was younger, I would vow to always talk to certain people every day. Yea...naw bruh. That shit is dead! When I first stopped thinking of ignoring calls as the millennial faux pas, I had a sense of guilt. Like I was betraying my friend because I wouldn't listen to them gossip about their workplace drama. Fuck that! The older I get the more I realize that you don't need to talk to someone all day every day for them to know you care about them. You don't have to necessarily ignore their calls like me, but send them that "I'll hit you up later" text and move on with your day.

It’s good to be selfish. But not so self-centered that you never
listen to other people.
— Hugh Hefner

You can say a healthy balance between relationships and your adult life is possible. You're right. It's very possible, but only if both parties have a clear set of time and energy boundaries. Don't expect too much out of a friend who has a full plate. Not only is it illogical, but it displays a lack of consideration for them as the person you love. Nothing in life is free. If it doesn't cost money, it costs time. However, that doesn't mean you can't give some effort to the important people in your life. Just know when to be selfish and when to receive them with open arms. Too much of either extremity can negatively affect your relationships and your life.

 A lot of us lose control of our lives when we have friends. They start having a say in how you allocate your time, energy and social efforts. It's ok to take that control back. The problem is a lot of us are just coming out of that stage where we fucked around with life. No one was doing anything too serious and life was scary but still a game. Now that I'm almost 25, I can no longer do that. It may throw people for a surprise when you say "I'm busy" or "I don't want to go because I'm tired", but they will adjust and if they don't, fuck them! Time is something that can't be refunded. Make sure you only spend it on things you can afford. 

Rachel Adeniyi