Digital Love Lives Suck | How to Survive Online Dating
I'm a firm believer that dating these days is fucked up and almost no one will disagree with me. But, for some reason, we all still want love. Yea, I know:
What's not human nature is going on a robot to find the love of your life. However, most of us are guilty of it. Formerly carrying a stigma of only being for losers, online dating has become the norm for most millennials to find a significant other or at least a fuck buddy. For me, it almost became an addiction. I started a few years ago then stopped, then started again, then stopped, then sta...You get the point! It was kind of interesting seeing the creeps and kind of cool meeting someone who seemed amazing. Seemed is the key word here.
I've tried at least 6 of the countless apps or websites: Tinder, Interracial Dating, POF, Match, eHarmony, and Bumble. I can tell you they all suck in their own way. The only difference between Tinder and Bumble is young unemployed people trying to hook up vs older men in finance complimenting you so he can get some butt butt. No matter how the cookie crumbles, I still can't eat it(symbolic cookie, I'll eat the real one). Match is more serious due to the fact that you have to pay, but that doesn't stop the creeps. Plus, I'm cheap so my access was limited with my nonsubscribing ass. eHarmony is way too expensive so I never subscribed. I was the person who slick put my email in my bio. POF is 49% creeps and 49% fuckboys. The other 2% are regular humans I hear about through word of mouth but have never seen. The interracial dating site was fine but too many people on there had fetishes. No, Jared, I won't be your queen of Abuja and my chocolate can't melt in your mouth.
As you can see, I have a pretty extensive online dating resume. So, since I know you guys aren't going to stop no matter how much I warn you, I've decided to share a few of my tips on how to survive online dating.
Don't Be Thirsty
The first thing we need to address is the level of desperation that shouldn't be shown. This goes for women and men. Animals can smell fear and humans can smell patheticness. Do not put in your bio how long you've been single or how you're tired of being heart broken. In the kingdom of online dating, savages prey on the weak and that's a sure sign you're a baby deer with a broken leg. That doesn't mean you have to hide any emotions, but telling someone they'll make a perfect spouse during the first or even third conversation is overkill. Either you'll scare them away or they'll use your need for affection against you so they can play your ass.
Be Upfront about What You Want
Every guy I matched with I made sure to ask "What are you looking for?". No, this isn't thirsty, it's a very important question that'll help you prevent wasting time. You don't want to talk to someone for months just to find out they're looking for a butt buddy and you're looking for love or vice versa. Don't get me wrong, some people still lie just because they think they can trick you into doing what they want. However, if you ask them from jump, you give them the chance to be honest and they can't you led them on and you never asked. Yes, it's disappointing to find out the handsome, successful guy just wants a "friend" to pass time with, but it saves you the hurt when you invest feelings in him and realize he doesn't want you the same way you want him.
Don't try to Change Their Mind
If you find out you two want different things don't try to change their minds. The worst thing is having hope that someone will eventually see that you should be their significant other instead of a bootycall. Or thinking since you told them you want to be FWB their need for a relationship will just go away. IT WON'T! You can't say the guy is a jerk or the woman is a bitch if they told you from the beginning what their intentions were. Save yourself the time, energy, and pain and just find someone who wants the same thing as you.
Explore More Than One Option
One of the best ways to survive online dating is to avoid putting all your eggs in one basket. Realize he's not the only good option and neither are you. I'm not being harsh, but, with tons of women online, what makes you think he's only looking at you? He's not boo. Don't take it personal, that's just the way of online dating. Aside from him also looking at other options, he may not be what you thought. The worst thing is putting your all into a guy who ends up being a flop then having to start from square one. The more options you have the less you care that just one of them didn't work out. If multi-dating isn't for you I suggest you don't even try online dating, but if you still want to just don't be so quick to catch feelings. You know what?
Seriously, you can just stop reading and delete all of your accounts now. No? Ok, next tip!
Be Prepared for Ghosts
In case you're not hip to what ghosting is, let me define it for you. Ghosting is what a cowardly person does when they are no longer interested in you but are too immature to express it, so they disappear. Like vanish with no trace of existence. No texts. No calls. They might even block you on social media. As messed up as it is, it's almost inevitable when online dating. Because it's digital, people tend not to give each other the respect they'll give someone they have to actually see in person. They see you as just another number they have lined up in their inbox. The first time it happened to me I was mad, but I eventually learned that it has nothing to do with my worth. It's all about that person being a childish jerk. They usually try to come back and, when they do, just swerve them hard as hell. Don't allow someone to only communicate with you at their own convenience. Don't take it personal. Just move on and get better because that person obviously isn't what you need.
Dont Procrastinate to Meet in Person
The obvious reason for this is you need to make sure you're not being catfished. However, making sure their personality is genuine is more important than making sure their physical features are real. I don't care how special the person makes you feel or how much you supposedly have in common, you don't know someone you've met online until you start interacting in person. People can be whoever they want behind a computer. They don't have to face the person they are lying to and can easily sign off when things get complicated. Meeting in person is a totally different ball game for a liar. I know people still lie after they see you physically, but it makes things a little more trustworthy if they are willing to meet you. Also, you need to make sure they're not just stringing you along to fill time or for a moment of pleasure. A lot of people join the online dating scene just to sharpen their social skills, stroke their ego by seeing how many people they'll match with, or even when they are bored with their significant other. Don't be the person that allows someone to string you along for months without even going on a real date. I understand it may take a few weeks to get comfortable with the idea of actually seeing your digital potential "soulmate", but just don't let it go on for too long. You'll just develop feelings for someone who you will probably never see or will disappear for the other person they've deemed worthy to actually meet. So, get that big meet and greet out the way and see if you actually dig them in person.
Open your eyes to the BS!
Become a FBI Agent
Listen until somone locks you down and makes you wifey, anything they say or do should be held against them in the court of law for your heart. It's 2017. People have bills to pay, outfits to slay, and Netflix series to binge watch. There is no time to waste on a fuck boy! Ask about siblings, get that last name, and history of cities they've lived in. After that, you better hit up Google asap. Don't wait for him to tell you his secrets, find out by yourself. Do you want to wait weeks or even months for someone to tell you they have a crazy ex whom they still talk to everyday or that they have a criminal record for throwing kittens out the window? Find out everything you can and run like hell if that person is dangerous or have a totally different life than what they told you. This is a time where it's totally understandable to be a nosey, snooping FBI agent in training.
Don't Ignore the Red Flags
This last tip is the most important. If you feel something is off about a person, 9 times out of 10 you're right. There's nothing like your intuition. It's not just there to stress you out, but it's actually right 99.9% of the time. Some of these people online don't even require intuition, Patrick from Spongebob can tell that they're just a big ass NO. If someone approaches you disrespectfully, don't disregard his lack of manners just because he's cute and has a nice job. This is a clear sign he's a jerk and you don't even want to allow that in your life. If someone shows you any signs of being controlling, a liar, clingy or just abusive overall, take heed. Too many times, we let things slide instead of looking at them as red flags for what's to come in the future. I can't tell you how many times, I've had friends confide in me that they never expected their significant other to hurt them and I've warned them about the signs. The universe is throwing you clues to prevent B.S. from tainting your life. Please save yourself the heart and headache. Pay attention and avoid red flaggers!
To be honest, online dating isn't too much of a nightmare. You just have to go in and not expect to much from it. I personally don't enjoy playing games to find a boyfriend an would rather let it happen naturally. However, there are people wih long term relationships who met off Tinder. Hell, some of them even get married. So, you never know. My best advice is to...
What are your thoughts on online dating? I would love to hear your experiences, thoughts, and/or tips.